Celsius Shortfalls, Ethereum Dates, Federal Guidelines, Canadian Caps and 20 Crypto Jokes
Another week filled with ups and downs in the crypto market. This time, it was Acala Network’s turn to get hacked, which was in line with the latest Chainalysis report that found an increase in crypto hacking and theft indices this year. Meanwhile, Terra’s Do Kwon sparked more Twitter drama.
Further, Celsius Network revealed a USD 2.8 billion crypto shortfall, as well as a ‘delusional’ plan for reorganizing, and sanctions against Tornado Cash protocol have sparked a resistance movement within a community, while ETH developers have firmed up the much-anticipated merge date.
At the same time, Federal Reserve revealed its guidelines for the US-based crypto banks, Canadian regulations are making exchanges introduce a cap on annual crypto purchases with several exceptions, while their South Korean counterparts have gone after sixteen international crypto exchanges. Last but not least, Russian banks are hoping to advance their digital ruble initiative by 2024, while bitcoin miners located in the country doubled their energy usage last year.
Finally, here’s what you came here for – the jokes.
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That’s very rare indeed!
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‘Tis but a scratch.
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Another successful crypto millionaire!
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This is the way.
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Safety first!
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The usual suspects.
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Do not chase the red dot.
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Transparency is key!
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Meanwhile, on the dogechain…
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Food is for the weak…
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Trust the experts!
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It’s simple.
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Don’t chase the pump, don’t sell the dump. Or do it, this is not financial advice.
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Ladies and gentlemen, we got him.
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Maybe some other time, Mark.
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That will be ETH 100, please.
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Run, Bitcoin, run!
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That explains it.
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Dream big!
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Oopsie.

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BONUS: Weekend vibes. Enjoy!
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- Elon Musk Grok AI Predicts Shocking XRP Price by End of 2026
- Claude AI Opus Predicts Stunning XRP Price by End of 2026
- Elon Musk Grok AI Predicts Incredible XRP Price and Bitcoin Price by End of 2026
- Bitcoin Price Prediction: An Analyst Just Called for Bitcoin to Drop to $40,000, And the Chart Is Not Helping the Bull Case
- Cardano Price Prediction: ADA Is Stuck in a Tight Range While the “Ghost Chain” Label Keeps Circulating